i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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