i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
