Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
