Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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