so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
