I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
