Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
