My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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