don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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