How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She even gives head with a lisp.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
ttyl tear gas
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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