Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
