I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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