i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
