You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
