her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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