I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
