This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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