Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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