Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
