i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
