talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
