Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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