Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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