Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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