i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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