she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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