He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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