I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
