Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i now understand why vodka
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
