I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
do nipples grow back?
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