Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
