there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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