im drinking this country out of the recession.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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