Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
