You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
