Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
