walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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