I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
