I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
