you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
