the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
