anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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