weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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