I just cut my nipple shaving
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
