Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
