pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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