Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
