Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
