I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
So. Much. Porn.
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