ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
