why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sorry about my life...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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