In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
