we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All I want is dick and wine.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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